I enjoyed this, though your prof was wrong about French Catholics. First Communion and Confirmation are standard too (Confirmation often encouraged by lavish gifts) and Easter attendance is still quite common even amongst people who don’t bother the rest of the time. The proportion of French people who are baptised has gone down a lot recently but used to be pretty high. In fact my French father-in-law, born a few years after the war in a mainly Jewish family, was baptised as an insurance policy. At one point, challenged by his in laws on this point, he said “but I can show you my baptism certificate!” and they said “only Jews keep their baptism certificates”. This has always tickled me.
Though I'm Brazilian, a country which is mostly Catholic, I grew up in Switzerland where it was a minority religion, most of all in Geneva where I lived. So I do know a little about being a Catholic in a non-Catholic country.
Even so, being a Catholic in the US sounds a bit more scary than was my own experience... :-)
Hi John, this really took me down memory lane - love your humor. I was referred to your Substack because I started planning to make my dream of moving to France real. I'm looking forward to reading your posts.
This letter stirred up a boatload of memories. Oy.
I grew up in a WMASS town of Catholics, Protestants and Jews. 100% white. Colonial past like Concord and Lexington. A bubble. Nice, but still, a bubble.
I left the Congregational Church at age 13. Too much nonsense. Too much hypocrisy. The minister simply said "You are welcome to return..." Nope.
My first girl friends were Catholics who attended Catholic school. Their guilt as I manifested my hormones in the most minor ways was infuriating. "Stop...I am going to Hell!". Oy.
I married a French Catholic girl. I wanted to please her. So there was the big mumbo jumbo ceremony. I had promised to raise the kids in the church. She was just going along. She never set foot in a church after that. Good. And the kids were free to choose - sans guilt. Phew.
My other wives have been Jews. Refreshingly practical. Always asking questions about life and how their faith could be applied to modern life. The food was better. Much better sense of humor and no guilty indoctrination. Mazel tov.
My parent's best friends were Irish Catholics. They loved each other unconditionally. I have known many Catholics who were dear and wonderful people. Nice.
But of all the religions on the planet, Catholicism may take the prize for being the most full of itself, full of superstitious bullshit, most destructive and soul crushing. True, there are priests and nuns who have the best of intentions. But the institution itself is just a recipe for hierarchy and dominance. It is diabolical by design. I don't believe in a devil. But if he (always a he :) were to invent a faith of torture, endless guilt and suffering - this would be it.
Although, upon further consideration, MAGA Evangelicals may be winning the race to the bottom. If God loves me, why do they hate me so much? SOO much cruelty and hate with God's support? Double Oy.
Whenever I hear someone say they were raised as a Catholic, I immediately feel for them. And I will be grateful to the end of my days, as I approach decade number eight, that I escaped that fate. At least my minister didn't try to retrieve me with threats of Hell and all that suggests.
I loved this as well, and it is indeed a coincidence that you had it in the works before the Pope's death and the new Pope.
I too remember nearly choking on communion, and the taste of those weird wafers. But your story about the priest chowing them down is hilarious.
In the current political context, I've been thinking a lot about Catholicism, which I rejected at the age of 16, much to the distress of my mother.
Have you heard or read about how the Catholic church is making something of a comeback in France after years of decline? This could be a good or bad thing...
Odd to think of a Catholic "comeback." Honestly it was the behaviour of priests that pushed me away (that confession was the last straw!), and much more has been exposed about how bad that had been in the years since. Of course, some religious spaces can be very seductive, and France has many such places.
Yes, it seems a bit strange with all of the scandals connected to the church that there would be a comeback. I think the political and general world context could have something to do with it, however. There could be an increase in conservative Catholicism, “Cathos de droite,” with the rise of the Rassemblement National and groups that are further right. And with all of the war, discord, and uncertainty in the world, people could also be looking for comfort or solidarity in a construct that helps them face difficult times.
This was a fascinating look at a culture--Irish Catholic, New England--that was very different from my own (nominally protestant, Montana ranch), even though we are of a similar age and generation. The world is just so fascinating, isn't it?
And I expect the experience of the Protestant kinds in my town was just as different, too ! And I heard many stories in Ireland about such experiences--more in the schools than in the churches. Fascinating indeed!
Love this essay John and I can relate to some of the experiences you describe, although by the time I was going to mass in Ireland it was a non-Latin mass. The nuns in our primary school prepared us for our holy Communion and Confirmation. It's become a bit of an industry now, these transition rituals. Have you read the short story by Frank O'Connor entitled The First Confession? It was on our curriculum. It is so funny and your own story reminds me of it now. You certainly went through a form of hell during your three weeks in hospital!
No, I’ve not read that story but must look it up now. And yes, that hospital experience was miserable and the infections took months to fully clear. Thanks for reading and for the kind remarks.
I grew up Protestant in Catholic Belgium so have an appreciation for the rituals that were not part of my story. Really enjoyed reading your personal journey.
The fetter of ritual and doctrine sounds completly miserable.
The priests weren't teaching about joy, that's for sure.. ... like in Ecclesiastes 9:7. 7 where it says ' Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do' .....You'd have appreciated that type of teaching a bit more, I suspect :-)
Mishearing the prayers reminds me of my own mother who spoke about hearing the priest talk about the 'cross-eyed bear' instead of 'The cross I bear', during the Easter prayers
Thanks so much for your comment, and thanks for subscribing! You've probably picked up that I worry that people can base too much planning a major move on social media and not look closely at official information, so I hope some of my essays are helpful. I write about other things, too, as you've seen!
I did not grow up Catholic, but have many friends who did. I enjoyed your story John. When we were in college my friends would like to tell stories of randy priests and other things to shock us.
As a Chicagoan I am interested in the local story of the new Pope. Apparently the new Pope graduated from the Catholic Theological Union, which is right in my neighborhood, in fact about 4 blocks from where I grew up, and from my current Chicago home.
My neighborhood also had the Lutheran School of Theology, and the University of Chicago Seminary, in fact, I am a member of the Seminary Coop Bookstore, one of the best in the US. My mother is also not Catholic, but she belonged to an interfaith group, which included atheists, that met regularly at the Catholic Theological Union over the years to talk, so I have a sense of the seminary that formed Pope Leo XIV from that.
I enjoyed this, though your prof was wrong about French Catholics. First Communion and Confirmation are standard too (Confirmation often encouraged by lavish gifts) and Easter attendance is still quite common even amongst people who don’t bother the rest of the time. The proportion of French people who are baptised has gone down a lot recently but used to be pretty high. In fact my French father-in-law, born a few years after the war in a mainly Jewish family, was baptised as an insurance policy. At one point, challenged by his in laws on this point, he said “but I can show you my baptism certificate!” and they said “only Jews keep their baptism certificates”. This has always tickled me.
This is one of my favorite pieces of your writing, John. Your retelling is poignant and honest and your memory of details a marvel!
Thanks Sylvie, It was a long time ago and I was not sure many people could relate to it, but I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Though I'm Brazilian, a country which is mostly Catholic, I grew up in Switzerland where it was a minority religion, most of all in Geneva where I lived. So I do know a little about being a Catholic in a non-Catholic country.
Even so, being a Catholic in the US sounds a bit more scary than was my own experience... :-)
thank you for a great reading.
Thanks, Renata
Hi John, this really took me down memory lane - love your humor. I was referred to your Substack because I started planning to make my dream of moving to France real. I'm looking forward to reading your posts.
John,
This letter stirred up a boatload of memories. Oy.
I grew up in a WMASS town of Catholics, Protestants and Jews. 100% white. Colonial past like Concord and Lexington. A bubble. Nice, but still, a bubble.
I left the Congregational Church at age 13. Too much nonsense. Too much hypocrisy. The minister simply said "You are welcome to return..." Nope.
My first girl friends were Catholics who attended Catholic school. Their guilt as I manifested my hormones in the most minor ways was infuriating. "Stop...I am going to Hell!". Oy.
I married a French Catholic girl. I wanted to please her. So there was the big mumbo jumbo ceremony. I had promised to raise the kids in the church. She was just going along. She never set foot in a church after that. Good. And the kids were free to choose - sans guilt. Phew.
My other wives have been Jews. Refreshingly practical. Always asking questions about life and how their faith could be applied to modern life. The food was better. Much better sense of humor and no guilty indoctrination. Mazel tov.
My parent's best friends were Irish Catholics. They loved each other unconditionally. I have known many Catholics who were dear and wonderful people. Nice.
But of all the religions on the planet, Catholicism may take the prize for being the most full of itself, full of superstitious bullshit, most destructive and soul crushing. True, there are priests and nuns who have the best of intentions. But the institution itself is just a recipe for hierarchy and dominance. It is diabolical by design. I don't believe in a devil. But if he (always a he :) were to invent a faith of torture, endless guilt and suffering - this would be it.
Although, upon further consideration, MAGA Evangelicals may be winning the race to the bottom. If God loves me, why do they hate me so much? SOO much cruelty and hate with God's support? Double Oy.
Whenever I hear someone say they were raised as a Catholic, I immediately feel for them. And I will be grateful to the end of my days, as I approach decade number eight, that I escaped that fate. At least my minister didn't try to retrieve me with threats of Hell and all that suggests.
I loved this as well, and it is indeed a coincidence that you had it in the works before the Pope's death and the new Pope.
I too remember nearly choking on communion, and the taste of those weird wafers. But your story about the priest chowing them down is hilarious.
In the current political context, I've been thinking a lot about Catholicism, which I rejected at the age of 16, much to the distress of my mother.
Have you heard or read about how the Catholic church is making something of a comeback in France after years of decline? This could be a good or bad thing...
Odd to think of a Catholic "comeback." Honestly it was the behaviour of priests that pushed me away (that confession was the last straw!), and much more has been exposed about how bad that had been in the years since. Of course, some religious spaces can be very seductive, and France has many such places.
Yes, it seems a bit strange with all of the scandals connected to the church that there would be a comeback. I think the political and general world context could have something to do with it, however. There could be an increase in conservative Catholicism, “Cathos de droite,” with the rise of the Rassemblement National and groups that are further right. And with all of the war, discord, and uncertainty in the world, people could also be looking for comfort or solidarity in a construct that helps them face difficult times.
This was a fascinating look at a culture--Irish Catholic, New England--that was very different from my own (nominally protestant, Montana ranch), even though we are of a similar age and generation. The world is just so fascinating, isn't it?
And I expect the experience of the Protestant kinds in my town was just as different, too ! And I heard many stories in Ireland about such experiences--more in the schools than in the churches. Fascinating indeed!
Love this essay John and I can relate to some of the experiences you describe, although by the time I was going to mass in Ireland it was a non-Latin mass. The nuns in our primary school prepared us for our holy Communion and Confirmation. It's become a bit of an industry now, these transition rituals. Have you read the short story by Frank O'Connor entitled The First Confession? It was on our curriculum. It is so funny and your own story reminds me of it now. You certainly went through a form of hell during your three weeks in hospital!
No, I’ve not read that story but must look it up now. And yes, that hospital experience was miserable and the infections took months to fully clear. Thanks for reading and for the kind remarks.
I grew up Protestant in Catholic Belgium so have an appreciation for the rituals that were not part of my story. Really enjoyed reading your personal journey.
Thanks Rachel. The time the Latin mass seems like a long time ago
The fetter of ritual and doctrine sounds completly miserable.
The priests weren't teaching about joy, that's for sure.. ... like in Ecclesiastes 9:7. 7 where it says ' Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do' .....You'd have appreciated that type of teaching a bit more, I suspect :-)
Mishearing the prayers reminds me of my own mother who spoke about hearing the priest talk about the 'cross-eyed bear' instead of 'The cross I bear', during the Easter prayers
Very enjoyable. Thanks for sharing.
Happy Friday
Hi Quinn,
Thanks so much for your comment, and thanks for subscribing! You've probably picked up that I worry that people can base too much planning a major move on social media and not look closely at official information, so I hope some of my essays are helpful. I write about other things, too, as you've seen!
Thanks again,
John
I did not grow up Catholic, but have many friends who did. I enjoyed your story John. When we were in college my friends would like to tell stories of randy priests and other things to shock us.
As a Chicagoan I am interested in the local story of the new Pope. Apparently the new Pope graduated from the Catholic Theological Union, which is right in my neighborhood, in fact about 4 blocks from where I grew up, and from my current Chicago home.
https://ctu.edu/#dipipopup-25806467
My neighborhood also had the Lutheran School of Theology, and the University of Chicago Seminary, in fact, I am a member of the Seminary Coop Bookstore, one of the best in the US. My mother is also not Catholic, but she belonged to an interfaith group, which included atheists, that met regularly at the Catholic Theological Union over the years to talk, so I have a sense of the seminary that formed Pope Leo XIV from that.